So! It's been a while, hasn't it?

Okay, I'll admit - it's been a while. I was hoping to do this a tad more often then I have been. But things happen, life happens and shit goes pear shaped. I have been trying to readjust to a life that doesn't involve me working at a job anymore and the lack of incoming funds because of that fact. Things have been hard, there is no denying it, but here I am, still surviving and moving forward. With any luck, my SSDI will get approved and I can have a steady source of funds coming in again.

Things with my son haven't gotten much easier, he's still causing me a lot of grieve, acting out and just plain old making my life hell. We have good days, and we definitely have our bad days. It's just hard, being a single woman, trying to raise a good and strong young man. But, no one ever said that my life choices were going to be easy. I knew they weren't, but I still made the choices that I have made. But I would be lying if I didn't say I would do it all over again. And again and again. I love my son, and I know (I hope!) that he loves me too. I just want him to listen more, but that's asking too much, because I'm not only a girl, but I'm "mom" - therefore my cooties level is increase tremendously! 

On the brighter side of things - I have (some) hope again, for the first time in a long time. I am trying to get approved for having a gastric bypass. I wish I didn't need to go this route, I have seen the downside of having this surgery, especially over the long term. But at the same time, my weight has gotten so out of control, I have realized that I just can't do it on my own anymore. I'm struggling as it is to just not gain more weight. Sadly, my insurance company has the final say, but I'm hoping that by May or early June - I will be able to schedule it. It's going to be a lot for me to undertake and it will be a major struggle. I will be forced to address my emotions and find ways to deal with them that won't involve being able to dive head first into a pint of Ben & Jerry's at any point that I want to.

I have recently submitted a story to a friend's podcast to hopefully have it played on a future episode. I'm hoping he will play it, and that people will be able to connect with my story on some level. So, we shall see! Or hear in this case...

On the upside of things, I have a "date night" coming up on Tuesday. One of my best friends, who is also an exboyfriend and I are going to the movies on Tuesday. I'm probably making more out of it then I should be, but it's nice to know that a man wants to take me out in public. So, here's to hoping. I don't expect much, but I just want a chance to realize that I am still attractive to the opposite sex.

Until next time - enjoy your cookies and make sure your tiara is on straight and shining brightly!

Popping the cherry!

Okay, here's goes nothing!

Forever and a day ago - I actually did a podcast - Without Smearing My Eyeliner. And I had really enjoyed it at first, but unfortunately, there was some drama throughout the community back then and that combined with a dwindling desire - I stopped. So, I'm trying my hand at this for the moment. Until I can get set up and feel it's the right moment to try podcasting again.

I am a 34 year old woman, who is also a single mother, to a, Hydrogen help me now!, a thirteen year old son. I love him very much, he means the world to me. I have always tried to be the best mother to him as I could, and naturally there were definitely some up's and down's over the years. But I have to admit that within the past few years, especially this past year, have been rough. Last October, my power was turned off for over two weeks. And it wouldn't have been turned on when it was (if at all!) unless a very dear family member stepped in, trusted in me and loaned me the money to turn it back on. And yes, I paid them paid back every red cent (and a few more pennies too). But then, in January, we were evicted and lived in a hotel for over a week before I asked a friend if she would be willing to give us a place to stay. Which she did allow, and we stayed with her, probably for a bit too long, but I am forever in her debt for what she did for us. And for tolerating what happened to her from us! YIKES! But fortunately and eventually - Jordan and I were able to move into our own place. I have next to nothing as far as furniture as goes - all our stuff is in storage and I need to pay off the storage place first. Ugh, but it's really great to be able to clean the everything but his room in under 20 minutes! 

And that is a whole other box of chocolates - my ability to keep things clean... I used to own my own condo for 8 years, but because of health issues, financial reasons and just the overall filth that had grown in there for so long - I let it go. See, I'm not "dirty", I just have a serious overall feeling of loathe towards cleaning. Let's not confuse my situation with an episode of Hoarders now! I just didn't care if I couldn't see the dining room table (never ate on it anyways), or if I hadn't vacuumed every week. But the trash was always taken out, and the cat box done, and laundry washed - other things just piled up and had some issues with two different dogs not being fully house trained and territorial cats. But, we all have those times/points in our lives where you need to put on the big girl panties, point a period and move forward with life. Which I did, and here I am!

Well, I have ranted enough for now. I am thankful for you taking the time to read this and talk to you later!