Crazy rantings of a blonde

Okay, so I'm getting better at doing these blogs a little bit more regular now. Which is a plus, I guess. It's nice to have an outlet for the ravings that go on in my head that don't involve my having to podcast when I don't have the needed privacy to do so.

Today was a rough one for the books. J's behaviorist came today and it was just B-A-D! He seems hell bent to convince everyone that I hate his father (which is partly true but I do try to hide my hatred a touch...) and he won't let me live down mistakes I've made in the past. I'm still being "punished"for some issues we had in late 2014 and very early 2015. He doesn't understand that I made those mistakes, and have gone back to prove I won't let them happen again but he still gets mad at me. I'm supposed to forgive him for the things that he's done: the stealing, peeing all over the place, lying, etc - yet I can't be forgiven. He refuses to acknowledge it's a two way street. But she gave him an "assignment" to think about what it is he that wants from a mother. Hopefully maybe this will garnish some results. But I'm not holding out much hope.

I'm still working on the whole weight loss situation. I've been trying to limit my portions and not waddling downstairs in the middle of the night to eat more. I don't know if I've gained any results yet, but I'll know next month. All I can really do it try my hardest. I did order out the other night, but I only get my salad and didn't get the mozzarella sticks! Which doesn't seem like much but for me - that's HUGE! I want to go for walks, but it's been stiflingly hot outside. Like - low's in the 80's at night! If I was in a little better shape - I could probably get away with it but I'm not and I'm not going to make myself sick over it. Seems counterproductive to me...? The whole situation is just a waiting game, but I can't just sit on my ass and continue to do what I've been doing, otherwise I wouldn't need the surgery in the first bloody place! 

I went on a date the other night, and as usual - nothing is coming from it. I just want to give up on dating altogether. It never works out for me, I try hard to play it cool and just enjoy myself in the moment. But the guys always want to be with someone else. I'm never good enough. Though I know I should look at it as they're not good enough for me, but I don't. But in the long run - it's his loss. I am a good woman and someone should be proud to call me his. It'll hopefully work out for me one of these days... It has to, I can't be destined to be alone this entire lifetime... Right?

Now, if I could only get my nails back into shape! I LOVE having the gel nails on, makes me feel pretty and nice. But unfortunately I was using a place in town and I got a nasty infection on almost all my nails, and now two of my cuticles are infected too. So, there's no getting my nails done for a while. Also, don't really have the money to be spending $50 a month to get them done anyways. So it's a bit of a blessing in disguise. 

Well, I guess that's it for tonight. I'm in a mood for an orange. And maybe some goldfish... Yum!